Feeling Judged

I turned up at my Aunts place the other day just as friends of hers were leaving. They'd had cakes for afternoon tea and left a lot behind, which were offered to my son & me. I said no thanks, and my Aunt said "She can't, she's diabetic". (cringe).
Everyone nods their heads in pity. Then she continues "But she eats sweet stuff anyway" in THAT tone of voice that says I'm doing something naughty. Everyone nods their heads and tut tuts and says things like "what a shame".

I want to scream and tell them it's ok. I want to make them all sit down and take a lecture on what being diabetic really is. I want to explain that I'm just working my pancreas manually and that I can eat what I like when I like, so long as I'm jabbing along with it & keeping a good eye on the numbers. But my mouth hangs open and nothing comes out as they leave the house none the wiser.

Hurumph.

I've been looking after my Nana a bit lately, because her usual carer - my Aunt - is recovering from an operation. Today I was out doing Nana's groceries and ran into my old Diabetes Education Nurse. I couldn't help but notice that she looked into my trolley, and cringed a little. I didn't click 'til she walked away that I was there with a trolley full of the most un-diabetes-friendly goodies (white bread, chocolate cake, etc). I just wish I'd slipped into conversation that I was doing my Nana's shopping and that only the fruit & veg was mine!

Of course, it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
*I* know I have great control for someone with a pooped-out pancreas.
*I* know that I wouldn't eat white bread but that I could if I wanted to. And I can eat chocolate and cake and whatever else, too.
*I* know that I'm careful, and haven't yet had any signs of complications, and that my A1cs are always in the low 6s...
But no matter how hard I try no one else will understand.

I'd really love someone to give me a pat on the back some day instead of a raised eyebrow and ignorant comments!

Dreaming of a CGMS

Here in little old New Zealand a diabetic with a CGMS is a very rare thing. The few that are in the country were very expensive (with no funding at all from anywhere). But here I am, as a New Zealander with her finger on the pulse of the rest of the diabetic world, hearing about the every day use of CGMS as if it's perfectly normal and not a rare foreign thing!

I dream of having a CGMS. People around me want a new house, a Wii, a new car... and I really would be happy with a bloomin' CGMS!

I do ok without one, I test a lot, jab a lot, try to keep things on the level, but wow, wouldn't a CGMS be SO much easier?

So I'm saving up. This will take ages and be hard work but I *neeeeed* that thing so bad! I've even printed a picture out to put on my wall to help keep me motivated. This is one dream that I will make a reality... somehow!

Yippee Skippeeeeee

I've...

Lost...

(my mind... and...)
3 kilos!


Ahhhhh it feels good to finally be on the right track :)

It's amazing what a little concentration on the D control can do. Everything else falls into place. Well, almost everything else... but I feel healthier already. Here's to the next 3kg!

Holy *bleeep*

If I ever needed proof that blood sugars rocket with stress, I've certainly had it tonight!
I've just seen the very worst BG result ever in my days as a diagnosed diabetic. I vaguely recall hitting numbers like this many years back when I was just starting out, but ever since then? Not a chance.
*gasp*

Y'see... someone from my past wandered back into my life today. It wasn't at all horrible, we just chatted but I knew I was a bit stressed. And yeh I even thought it would knock my blood sugars up a bit but I took a lot of extra insulin to compensate. I didn't test, I was doing one of those stupid stupid things... too scared to see the result, so I planned to test later just in case I overdid the correction. (Why oh why do I do that? It's never sensible in hindsight!)

That was a really really bad idea. I wish I was testing every hour tonight so I could have stayed on top of this.

You should have seen the look on my face when I read the meter. And then when I retested and it said almost exactly the same thing. I couldn't believe it. I could have slapped my meter when it suggested I should test for ketones. I've *never* seen that before.

Ok.. shocking... thankfully it will all be over in a couple of hours and I remember tonight as a lesson in testing regularly!

I think it's ok for me to avoid looking at my 7, 14 and 30 day averages for a while though... boy are they going to be out of whack!

I think I'm slightly in shock after that reading. Woah!

Filling in the gaps

Wow, it's been a long time.
I still think of things to write, yet somehow I never quite get around to writing them. Instead I'm actually spending much less time on the computer and getting out in the fresh air. I have a veggie garden I'm very proud of. Probably losing some of the flat-ness in my butt too ;)

I'm kicking off with a meme here, not entirely exciting huh! But at least I'm saying *something*... and hopefully it wont take me so long to say something else!

The one word meme:

1. Where is your cell phone? Porch
2. Your significant other? None
3. Your Hair? Uneven
4. Your Skin? Tanning
5. Your mother? Wonderful
6. Your favourite thing? Garden
7. Your dream last night? *shrug*
8. Your favourite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Sustainable
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your ex? Friend
12. Your fear? Ignorance
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here
14.Where were you last night? Sister's
15.What you're not? Stupid
16.Muffins? Chocolate
17.One of your wish list items? CGMS
18.Where you grew up? Wellington
19.The last thing you did? DVD
20.What are you wearing? Jeans
21.Your TV? Off
22.Your pets? Lots
23. Your computer? Good
24. Your life? Sweeeeeet
25. Your mood? Happy
26. Missing someone? No
27. Your car? Reliable
28. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
29. Favourite Store? Market
30. Your summer? Beach!
31. Like someone? No
32. Your favourite color? lots
33. When is the last time you laughed? Afternoon
34. Last time you cried? History
35. Who will respond to this? *shrug*
36. Who's Answers are you anxious to see? Seen!

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

:)

The kitties, 7 months on

For those of you who have been following the kittens life story from birth til now... it's time for an update.

They had heaps of fun today in the garden. It's the first time they've ever seen the soaker hose going, and they thought it was great fun. I thought cats weren't meant to like water!

Check out Pumpkin's ambush and Taco & Noodle's kisses to the camera.

The spring buzz

The sun is out... the air is warm... the garden is going mad!
It's the last day of winter. Bring on Spring!

Spring bulbs... gorgeous :)


Baby broccoli.
Baby Spaghetti Squash. I didn't even know we could get them in New Zealand until I found the seeds.
Veggie garden number one is growing strong. Number two is still mostly bare dirt.

The spring buzz gets me big time. I love the long days, the sunshine on my skin, and the beautiful plants in the garden.

Not to mention losing my extra few kilos of winter weight, getting out for walks on the beach, and being surrounded by other people with the spring buzz! This is a fannnnntastic time of year :)